Wild Goose à la Mode
– NILLA WAFERS
To make this dish, you must go to the pantry and retrieve a wild goose.
The way to the pantry is long and difficult; be sure to pack light and wear layers.
Don’t leave the stove on. THIS STEP IS VERY IMPORTANT.
To begin your journey, you must be standing outside of Diamond. When the wind spirits tell you that the way is clear, begin.
Head across the street to the square that is not a square, honoring a president that was. Robert's Square, which has no 4th side.
The missing edge points away from true glory; take the road in the opposite direction. Go towards Davis.
When you come upon a head on a pole, walk between it and the many walls. Go between the two outdoor art pieces.
When you reach the picnic tables, unpack the basket you brought and feast.
Once your bellies are full, put the scoreboard squarely on your right, and walk forward. Don’t get run over.
Keep your eyes high, and once you pass 1950, look for a ship on a ball; head towards it.
After the ship passes from sight, lament its loss with a moment of silence, then take the next right.
Go up 6. You will see 5 objects that are, tragically, not stoves. Pretend that they are, and stand amid them. If you don't pretend, the rest won't work.
Pass between the two closest to the clock, and stand in front of the bench. This bench is a stove. Feel free to bake in it, but don't sit on it.
Head to the white pole that is not a column. The flag pole.
If you see a wild goose, ignore it. It is a red herring.
Walk directly away from 1918. The 1918 on the base of the flagpole.
Turn left, go down 8, turn right, go up 8, through, up 6, forward, and out the first exit you see. Head through the student union.
Check to make sure you did not leave any of your team members in a stove. If you did, go back and get them, then return here. This one's mostly just common courtesy.
Find the nearest Colby banner; take the path leading under it, arcing right as the path does.
Cross the bridge, and continue past the building with the tallest columns.
Walk through the first columns after that, and through two. Into Foss
Turn left, up three, through, right, right, right. End the journey in the pantry, AKA the Zome bathroom.
Behold: the wild goose.