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or, What You Will,
a play in the esoteric language of Shakespeare.
Olivia, a woman with a stack of burdens.
Orsino, a man offset.
Viola, in drag, sent to get Olivia's number.
Act I:
It is perchance that you yourself were saved.
Scene I: Orsino sends Viola on an errand.
[Enter Orsino and Viola]
Orsino:
You are as trustworthy as the square of a gentle warm peaceful town.
You are as charming as the sum of yourself and a fine fair good golden
hero.
Viola:
You are as good as the difference between a sweet noble handsome loving
angel and a mistletoe.
[Exit Orsino]
Scene II: Viola meets Olivia.
[Enter Olivia]
Viola:
You are as fair as Orsino. Remember yourself. You are as beautiful as
the difference between a fair blossoming lovely flower and a cow.
Remember yourself. You are as charming as a cute little animal.
Remember yourself. You are as sweet as Orsino. Remember yourself!
You are his little plum. Remember yourself. You are his white curse.
Remember yourself. You are as cute as the sum of a little tiny pig and
a hound. Remember yourself. You are as noble as the sum of yourself and
a tree. Remember yourself. You are as gentle as Orsino. Remember yourself!
You are as fine as the difference between the wind and the gentle white
moon. Remember yourself! You are as happy as I.
Olivia:
You fine fellow! You are as sweet as the sum of yourself and the cube
of yourself.
[Exeunt]
Act II:
For women are as roses, whose fair flower
Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.
Scene I: Viola reports back.
[Enter Orsino and Viola]
Viola:
You are as fair as Olivia.
[Exit Orsino]
Scene II: Viola comes clean to Olivia.
[Enter Olivia]
Viola:
Recall my words from before. You are as noble as the difference between
Orsino and yourself. Speak your mind.
Olivia:
You are as honest as the sum of yourself and a hound.
[Exit Olivia]
Viola:
Am I better than nothing?
If so, we must return to Scene II.
[Exit Viola]